Domestic violence refers to any behavior that is designed to control a partner, spouse, girl, boyfriend, or other intimate family member. It’s not just physical violence; it can also include sexual violations like punching, choking, stabbing or throwing boiling water, acid, or setting fire to. The results can be devastating and even deadly. Even minor attacks may escalate in frequency and intensity. It is important to know how domestic violence begins, what signs to look out for, what to do after abuse, and how to prevent it from happening again.
Police responded in 2009 to a situation in the which Chris Brown was accused by assaulting a woman. It was eventually discovered that Rihanna, one her most loved artists, had assaulted the anonymous victim. Domestic violence doesn’t just affect certain groups or classes.
Although it may be difficult at first to spot domestic violence, the extent of domestic violence in a household might never be known. However, abuse can come in many forms in abusive relationships. The victim is more likely to experience all types of abuse if violence continues in the relationship. It is crucial to end communication with abusive partners before things get worse. The abusers focus on the victim’s use of drugs and alcohol, as well as their mental illnesses, stress, frustration, financial problems, and violent family of origin. I remain firm in my belief that domestic violence is not an option for anyone, regardless of their excuse. Individuals and communities must confront domestic abuse.
Domestic violence can occur in many forms. Although abuse can sometimes be directed at men, it’s more common for women to be abused than men. It can also happen to heterosexuals or to sex partners. Many people end-up marrying and dating abusive people. Ask them and they will tell you that they wouldn’t marry such people if it were not for their true nature. Truth is, although they could have seen the warning signs, they chose not to or were unable to recognize them. People who are abusive or insane are not people we would choose to be our dating partners. Some people are more adept at hiding their behavior and personality. Ironically, it is important to remember that strangers can be dangerous and to keep our eyes open for the close people we share daily. However, after doing research, I have to question the old saying, “Better a devil you’re familiar with than an angel you are unfamiliar with”.
It is important to understand the main characteristics of the “Losers”, as I call them, and to learn from their experiences. These were the traits I discovered in my ex-boyfriend Satan. I am not sure if he would hurt me as much emotionally or physically. I can recall vividly November 2016 when we had an argument. I was cold and cold, it was 11:00 pm. I had a dull eye and swelling lips. He drove me home even though I was desperate to get home. He took the Milimani route and drove towards Waiyaki. He was driving very fast and shouting at me. I just wanted to get home, as I didn’t want to miss work or be late. Therefore, I agreed to all he said even though it was a lot of rubbish. I prayed silently asking God’s forgiveness and grace. I was about to die, but we were just a few hundred yards from road bumps. I then threw my hands band and jumped out his Ford Ranger. I couldn’t see the ‘Loser,’ but he drove off. I quickly found a nearby taxi and went home. I cleared up the mess and set my alarm for tomorrow. I felt relieved when Satan’s number was blocked. I tried to cover the black eye with full makeup the next day. It was too late for me, but Lucy, my friend and colleague, couldn’t help but stare at me. She began to walk towards me and I knew she wanted my opinion. But instead of asking me what had happened, she whispered to me “live that beast alone”
I shrugged in shame and said that I would not go back. Six months later, I felt happy again. I can’t recall the date I unblocked Satan. We were back, texting and dinner dates, and we went on road trips.
As I said before, the “Loser” acted like a angel. My friends were so disappointed in me, but I only saw the kind, caring, comforting reborn Satan I called King. He would always bring me roses to express his affection, Toblerone candy and my favorite perfume, Good Girl. He knew how I loved him. This is the first thing you should know. They are quick at expressing love and attachment. They can also say ‘I’m in love with you’ just as easily as ‘dumping and hurting’. He was not a good temper, but that would be excuse for his cruelty, cruelties, and property destruction whenever he got upset. The sign was not visible to me. I was constantly corrected by him during our conversations. He also made me feel bad about myself, which led to me losing my self-confidence. He was actually genius and he was always right. Right”
In the same way, he tried to end our relationship with our closest friends. He claimed that they treated me poorly and that I didn’t gain anything from such a relationship. To keep him, I avoided my closest friends and believed that he would never let go. His behavior changed over time, from being mean and sweet to becoming abusive. One time he was abusive and threatened to end their relationship. Then again, he would make amends and return to the sweet Angel he was before. I would blame myself constantly and promise to make amends. He insisted that we meet up and end the relationship at peace. I brought in my best friend, the third person. After we talked, and realized how much we had shared, we agreed to renew our friendship and stop fighting or arguing. We became friends again, had a few drinks, and the night was unforgettable. He even promised me to buy me another car.
After dancing and parting, all of us were tired and decided to go on a billionaire’s night. I fell asleep after Rahma, my best friend, dropped me off. Satan would have me dropped off, then take over my normal routine. I woke up to a loud, hard bang while I was asleep. My right eye was slapped on the forehead. I thought it was a dream, but I woke up screaming from the second slap. I tried to open the safety belt, but he grabbed my hand and beat me on the face until my fake nails fell off. He took my phone and dropped me off at home. I cried out in pain and bitterness. I was then taken to the hospital and given medication and eye drops. I then bought a brand new phone, blocked Satan from calling me, and reported him the police. They didn’t seem to take any action. “It had to be revenge. It was time for me to kill that man. He was the worst person I have ever known.” I thought about my hurt feelings, the swelling of my lips and two large black eyes. Online counseling helped me and I’m now happy and free.
It is crucial for domestic violence victims to be able to comprehend and follow the correct preventative measures after being abused. Fear of losing their children, belief in the ‘Losers,’ and financial crisis are all reasons why women will stay in abusive relationships. You should immediately notify your friends and family, look into local law enforcement options, such as restraining orders. Drop down any hints about being depressed, and keep yourself busy with what you love, like watching movies, which was very helpful for me, or even cooking. It is not acceptable for them to meet up or reunite to talk about the past and how it will affect a new relationship. “Losers,” will try to make it seem like you are guilty. This is a trap. They will make you feel guilty.
Finally, you can seek professional support and counseling during this difficult time.
It is a common saying that a man’s home should be his cattle, but many men behave as if they were feudal rulers. People should treasure their homes and relationships and treat them as safe havens where they can live in peace and safety. Breaking this should result in severe punishment. Pre-marital counseling should be done for couples to find out what they believe is normal family behavior. Counselling is recommended for anyone who believes that violence can solve conflicts. We need to be truthful and revise laws related to domestic violence. As long as the police provide “kitu childogo”, they should not ignore domestic violence or give abusers more benefits. To discourage abusers from further buttering, punishments should be harsher. Cava (2010) stated, “The more battering is done the harsher the sentencing.” Some should be classified as “habitual criminals” to ensure that they are locked up for the rest of their lives. It must be ended. It is not acceptable to be subjected to domestic violence, or even to death, until this happens. Only by acknowledging this, can we see lasting and real change in domestic violence.
